“We are all functioning at a small fraction of our capacity to live fully in its total meaning of loving, caring, creating and adventuring. Consequently, the actualizing of our potential can become the most exciting adventure of our lifetime” ~Herbert Otto
It was the 2nd year of my mom’s birthday after her departure from this physical realm.
It was not just her birthday but mine also. My whole life I always thought this was one of the coolest things ever.
The 1st year of her being gone I remember bracing myself for the flood of emotional grief; but in the mist of my grieving I received an abundance of love and support from my family and friends.
I was smothered in positive words of love.
This 2nd year I really did not know what to expect. A lot of things in my life had changed.
More importantly I would actually label most of the changes as positive.
For the 1st time in about 4 years I was in a healthy romantic relationship.
My Handsome King made it a beautiful birthday experience we celebrated the weekend before.
He took me to Cirque Sol and to one of my favorite restaurants. I had so much fun being with him.
Finally the actual day came but despite the magically moments I shared with him I ended up allowing my heart to be broken by having certain expectations of other people I held important.
I endeavored to be understanding and knew that there was a logical explanation.
Therefore I buried my hurt feelings.
That was just like one nails on the coffin. One of the pivotal points that paved the way for my consequential actions.
I started making different decisions in my life that brought about questions and concern.
Relationships were strained I caused a fair share of hurt in this process.
The pinnacle point of persuasion came and on this particular day, moment inspired the seed for Calm After The Storm.
Angelic Words of Compassion
I arrived at home, my 2nd mother (who is my spiritual guide and has been a loving power in my life since I was in my late teens) and I started talking on the phone.
Like a volcano eruption all the emotions I buried were being dug up.
Frustration, pain and anger began spouting off.
Immediately, I took off my shoes and walked outside the wet pavement felt soothing under my bare feet. Being grounded.
Feeling slightly stubborn and resistant I argued my emotional stance, however when God speaks it just makes sense.
My 2nd mom was shining her sunshine as only she could do over that garden of emotional landmines in my heart.
It took some time to cool down.
As I could feel the tension being released the core of my being. Taking deep breaths shoulders relaxing.
We started talking about other subjects and I was brought to such a peaceful moment.
I opened my eyes to the beauty around me, I inhaled the freshness of the earth and to my visual comfort I saw these droplets of leftover rain sitting so gracefully delicate upon the leaves.
This time God spoke to me from the inside.
As if to say my child the storm is over remember that my rain provides nourishment.
What is my decision
“You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” ~Joyce Meyer
I could be justified in my emotions or be justified in the truth.
The situations that occurred even the one of losing my mom gave me an opportunity to find clarity but sometimes in the storm our vision becomes blurred.
We can become more focused on the rain rather than the shelter.
We may be turned upside down or be turned around.
The beauty of it all is when we can surrender to Love. It leads us back on path. Love gently guides us with a beacon of trust.
Love restores and strengthens.
Love nourishes and forgives.
Love can even enlighten you for a direction to new more sophisticated glorious bountiful path way.
My choice to change my emotion was ultimately me loving myself.
Choosing to suffer the pain of change which I can’t say is a total pain. The actual change can be even humorous at times especially when you can look back and laugh at what in the world was I thinking. The sobering up from the pain.
As for the memory of my mom the fact of us being born on the same day will always remain totally awesome to me but I realize I don’t have to hold myself hostage from enjoying my life just because she is not physically here. I know that she would want me to celebrate her and to live my life.
Even better I acknowledge I am here because of her and of course my dad, but I know my mom wants me to be happy.
She was such a creative, colorful person and who she is will forever be apart of me. Which leads me to the next quote by Charlie “Tremendous” Jones.
“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” ~ Charlie “Tremendous” Jones
I grew this day. Thanks to my 2nd mom, thanks to myself, and thanks to all parties involved!
This is not to say that I have everything figured out. It is just that my willingness to add one more digit to the infinite code of wisdom will gives me a transformation of perspective.
To focus on the positive aspects.
As my mentor David Corbin states
“You are either rip and rotten or green and growing.”
The pain and suffering would have been the rotten the continued decay and erosion of important relationships to me. But the love is like the green and growing willing to water with compassion, understanding and compromise.