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Examine Motives

“Examine your own motivations against your highest value because they impact your perception, which then impact your behavior and results that follow.” ~ Stephen R Covey

Examine Motives


There are very many wise stories that are explored in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Above all Stephen R Covey teaches principles. Principle centered paradigm are dealing with the roots.

There was this one story Stephen Covey told about his daughter. She was very young at the time like between the ages of 4 through 6.

He came home after a long day of work. A birthday party for his young daughter was taking place.

The little girl was forced into a corner holding all of her toys which were the gifts that were given to her for birthday.

She was holding on to the toys for dear life and did not wanting to share them.

Stephen R Covey wanting to diffuse the situation took charge and at first asked his daughter to gently share her toys.

She refused.

Second time still gently asking the birthday girl to share her toys with all her friends mixed in with a bribe for some gum if she shared the toys.

The daughter was not having it, she snapped at her father and even stated that she did not want the gum and was not going to share.

3rd time is the charm right.

Not necessarily.

This time Stephen R Covey snatches the toys away form his small daughter and gives them to the other children to play with.

It’s a parents right to discipline their children by any cost?

However, here is what I love about Stephen R Covey.

He gave his personal motive about his hast action in that experience with his daughter. Then he talks about the shift on how he could have applied the principle centered paradigm of knowing one’s motives to ensure a healthier action and result.

There was a level of embarrassment that he felt for the perception of what people would think of him for not being able to have his daughter share her toys.

He realized that he may have gotten his daughter to share but it was at the cost of force and deduction from the relationship that he really wanted to build with his daughter.

Stephen R Covey realized that he could have defused the situation by maybe drawing the attention away from his daughter by showing the other children something they would be interested in playing with instead of the toys his daughter was clinging to.

If his daughter had the opportunity to enjoy her toys for just a moment then maybe she would have been willing to share them with ease.

When he reflected on the principle centered paradigm of motivation it was the shift of his personal ego being placed to the side.

Which gave him a different perspective, as we could say a maturity for a better future response.

I think this kind of honesty with your self can be a little uncomfortable at first.

The maturity to examine, to go deep with in to figure out the true why allows for an opportunity to learn about ourselves.

We of course have the option to accept it or even change it.

It is amazing what you discover about yourself.

The other day I had a sobering conversation with my personal development coach based on the principle centered paradigm of my motives regarding my relationship with my loved ones.

Specifically one relationship that seemed to have had a drastic shift.

I was endeavoring to learn about this situation.  It was important to me to gain more information to make the best steps towards bring harmony back to this relationship.

Through this process some painful things came out.

Past actions that I took could not be undone by a simple conversation at the time for resolution.

The inner motivations of my heart were not geared towards that person but rather geared towards a fear that I thought I was avoiding.

Yet, it still occurred because I was not aware of the deep rooted motivation.

The good thing about the situation is that I am able to change my behavior with the person.

I have to allow things to come from a different motivation a motivation that is not rooted in fear.

Rather the motivation of cherishing that person and when opportunities  arise to be willing to be apart of things that that person desires; instead of just pushing who I am onto that person.

I can even think about my interactions with my niece and nephews.

My youngest nephew is very persistent.

This little guy is smart and of course with little people especially around 4 years of age want their way.

We were in a bookstore and he kept asking for like everything he saw.

I would tell him not right now.

This little guy, persistent in all of his efforts to receive what he wants asks one more time for something as I was checking out with the cashier.

I looked at my nephew and expressed once more that not right now.

That little man said “I am not talking to you, I am talking to him” and pointed at the cashier.

I had a slight moment of should I pop this little boy for being disrespectful.

Then I just had to laugh to myself and appreciate him for being so persistent. This persistence is something we are born with. It is interesting how it somehow fades as we get more life experience.

I know that through practicing the principals from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People because of the principle centered paradigm teachings allowed me to respond differently to my nephew than I may have done in the past.

The main thing that I desire to build with my niece and nephews are the allowing of who they are.

Each one of them brings me more joy then they will ever know. They really do make me pride of the people that they are.

Also of course my sister is doing a wonderful job raising them!

At the end of the day each of them know TeTe does not play and when I mean business.

It took me years to get to this place with my niece and nephews because I have examined my motives from different angles.

I have matured in my interaction with them.

These interactions with them have been worth the practice.

This is also why I know the other situation will be harmonious.

Now that I am more aware of what my motives were and have sobered up.

Going forward there are changes that will be made on my part on a heart level that will change my actions to be more in line with the new principle centered paradigm of my motives.

We always bear fruit but isn’t it beautiful that we can cultivate the bushes and garden we already have, or even plant new seeds for a different harvest.

Life is what we make it and I am highly thankful for the people who were willing to leave their valuable lessons and teach what they knew and know to provide the tools that we can use in order to grow. To be our Magnificent Selves!!

Thank you for your time!

Love and light + Air Hug!!

Songstress of Dreams

Erica Cameron



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Hot Dogs, Gummy Bears and TV

Do you have friends that you learn from?

You know the friends that have it all together, the ones that really have a good life and how they inspire you?


Even the ones that have it all backwards, the ones that maybe you even avoid from time to time and how they inspire you in terms of what not to do?

It can be what to do or what not to do. At the end of it all Success leaves many bread crumbs. Success leaves clues right?

Let me tell you about my friend named Lloyd.

He is a carpenter by trade, some projects at work required him to use a hammer.

Lloyd had this nasty habit of hitting his thumb with the hammer instead of the metal nail.

After several run ins with the hammer soar tenderized thumb, Lloyd decide it was time to visit a doctor about the resolving the pain he was having.

The 1st doctor visit went rather well.

The doctor asked him what was wrong and what were his symptoms. Lloyd stated he was having a soreness of thumb and the doctor recommended to go home and get some rest that he would be fine in a day or two.

Sure enough Lloyd follow the doctor’s orders and in a short amount of time the throbbing and soreness ceased in Lloyd’s thumb.

Supper happy Lloyd reported to work refreshed and with a brand new thumb.

A few hours into his shift WHAM-hammer to thumb. This repeated throughout the course of a few days from being at work.

Finally Lloyd went to the doctor again.

Again the doctor asked him what was wrong and what were his symptom. Lloyd pretty much stated the same thing soreness of thumb, but he added sharp pain and bruising.

The doctor listened intently left the office to consult his books and 30 minutes later came back with a prescription for pain killers.

Immediately, of course, Lloyd did as the doctor prescribed. He filled his prescription, next thing you know he was popping pain killers left and right like gummy bears.

Lloyd loved those pain killers. Hour after hour he took a few pain pills to recover from the damage he did to his thumb.

He felt better in a couple of days and back to the grind.

Lloyd went to work prepared with his pain killers in his pocket and a hammer on his hip. He was ready for his work day.

Only to find the hammer and nail routine. WHAM! You guessed it.

Eventually poor Lloyd ran out of pain killers and when the medicine wore off he had to take an emergency visit to the doctor.

Lloyd’s frail thumb was deformed and intense pain pounding away.

This time the doctor drew some blood and took some x-rays. After running all the medical test the doctor sat next to Lloyd’s hospital bed and told him that his thumb would have to be surgically removed….

With wide eyes of horror Lloyd’s face appeared go white with fear to pale pea green of queasiness because his stomach couldn’t take the thought of his thumb being severed from his hand.

In a flash Lloyd gathered his belongings and ran out the hospital.

He called me in a panic with tears in his throat. It broke my heart to hear the frustration in his voice. As I calmed him down with words of encouragement ensuring him that everything was going work out, I recommended my personal doctor.

Bright and early Lloyd entered the new doctor’s office. This time the doctor took one look at Lloyd’s thumb. He asked Lloyd what happened to his thumb? Of course Lloyd said innocently at work and that he hits his thumb with a hammer on average 7 times a day.

Can you guess what the doctor prescribed?

The doctor sternly looked at Lloyd with sincerity the doctor advised Lloyd to get a new occupation!

Hot dog, gummy bears and tv.

Month’s passed Lloyd had a new job and wouldn’t you know it his thumb was completely healed.

Now I am sure most of you guys get the bigger picture. You know the whole symptom vs root cause.

Originally I read about the Lloyd type story pertaining to holistic medicine but when I really started to think about the symptom vs root cause. It dawned on me that this concept shows up in other areas in our lives not just health.

Think about it what symptom keeps popping up in your life?

In the beginning of this year did you set some New Year Resolution?

What were they and why did you set them?

Did any of these resolutions align with improving the quality of your life on some level.

This is the perfect time to be honest with yourself.

Could it be that some the resolutions were addressing symptoms?

When we treat the symptoms we can say it easier to sooth the symptom.

It is easier when we have a runny noes or soar throat to grab some over the counter medicine than to think about what we ate.  To face facts of sugar actually weakens the immune system and then if we are eating fast food and always on the go which of course affects the immune system too. Oh and if we have not been eliminating all the junk food we consumed than maybe that is why we are sick or with the “common cold.”

Or that we have type two diabetes typically people take insulin prescribed by the doctor but rarely do we look at all the hot dogs, gummy bears or lack of exercise because of the routine of work and going home to watch TV.

It is easier to deal with the symptoms because usually there at the surface is a quick fix.

Don’t ask me to give up my double cheese burger that I have had a life long affair with.

Facing the root cause of the symptom can be painful with in itself. It can be down right uncomfortable  facing the accumulation of the daily decisions we have made over the course of our life can be too sobering to bare.

It is like don’t make me give up the very thing that caused the pain to begin with.

Even on the emotional side.

Personal experience I had phases in my life were I was depressed. My thoughts were poisonous to me. But I could have written it off that it runs in my family. I could have chosen to have been an alcoholic to sooth the chatter in my head.

I could have just blamed it on demons that I was being under attack and kept suffering in my life. It took years but daily choosing to build my thoughts with the renewing of my mind. Reading books and learning to love my self. Depression may knock at my door from time to time but because I dealt with the root cause it may knock but I don’t answer anymore.

You have to committed to dealing with the root cause to make a decision for your victory.

Child of God don’t you remember that absolutely NO weapon formed against you shall prosper.
Or how about let him with the faith of the size of a mustard seed speak to the mountain and let that mountain be removed and cast into the ocean.

You have the power, courage and strength just call upon it those symptoms can disappear but you must be willing to deal with the root cause.

In the end everything affects everything. But being willing to form new habits replacing the old habit that caused the symptom to begin with can affect your life in magical ways!